Epilogue to 'My first orgasm in 38 days!'

In the epilogue to the description of my first orgasm in 38 days I will reflect on how the whole process has been, including the days after the orgasm.

I am completely fascinated by everything about Mistress Bella Bellini and since I first clicked into Mistress’ site Mistress has been all I could think of when I think about what men think about all the time ('What Every Man Thinks About Apart from Sex'). Here, I refer not only to Mistress’ unsurpassed beauty, perfect body or madly sexy teasing in videos, photo sets and cam shows, but also to everything about Mistress’ personality, which equally appears through Mistress' interactive site. The myth that women in this industry have nothing but their bodies to offer is completely shot to pieces if you know a bit about Mistress. Personally I find that last attribute really important for a dominatrix since I don't think I could surrender to a dominatrix the way I have done to Mistress Bella Bellini, if I wouldn’t also be able to surrender myself to the person behind the latex dress. Since I find it imperative for female domination (if it’s about more than a ‘one-night wank’) that the dominatrix must have the ability to drill deep into the thoughts of the submissive, it doesn’t really hurt that  the Mistress I have surrendered myself 100% to has a ‘Bachelor of Social Science with a specialization in psychological studies’ behind her!

Mistress Bella Bellini meets EVERYTHING that I find important about a dominatrix and thus it was without any hesitation that I immediately submitted myself 100% to Mistress from day 1 of my training sessions. At this point I should add, that I have never had any experience with real life domination or domination through the web. But it felt like a dream coming true, when Mistress suggested that I could be her new pet. The first 4 weeks of my training Mistress had decided that I should always have my chastity device on if I in any way was doing something that could be sexually stimulating (even at nights so my subconscious was also convinced that a wet dream was not permitted). I could, in other words, not jerk off but had to settle for the small satisfaction of a cock squeezed inside a small plastic cage whenever I got aroused.

You would think that this complete abandonment of the right to jerk off would be a tough test, but it was actually easier than I had anticipated! After only a week or so, I began to miss the chastity device in the times where I could not wear it (read my previous blog posts where I describe why I could not wear it 24/7). Sexual gratification was synonymous with the feeling of a cock in a cage too small for the enthusiasm and I quickly convinced Mistress’ cock that it could only be excited when the cage was on. If I didn’t wear the cage it also meant that I had convinced my subconscious that I could not allow myself to think sexual thoughts and because of that I locked Mistress’ cock and balls into the cage as soon as I had the chance, so I could ‘think like a man’.

Eventually it became quite natural for me that I could not jerk off, though I gradually became more and more sexual aroused. It gradually dawned on me that my chastity training was not about giving me  sexual gratification but rather that Mistress would ensure that I had understood that it was Mistress who had complete power over my genitals and therefore also the power to decide whether I could jerk off or not. Personally, I didn’t doubt a second that I had surrendered myself completely to Mistress' power at the same moment Mistress offered that I could be Mistress new pet, but I was happy that I got the chance to prove this to Mistress through the chastity training. After all, Mistress knew nothing about me before I started my training and as such Mistress had every right to demand some extensive proofs of my desire to be a real submissive to Mistress. I hope I have succeeded in this matter.

Against this background the 4 weeks of constant jerk off and orgasm denial was 4 happy weeks for me since I was really happy that Mistress gave me the chance to prove that I am a worthy enough to serve Mistress. Every sub should really go through such a test; not only to eliminate unworthy submissives but also to let the submissive himself (or herself) find out, if the submissive really wants to be a submissive to the dominatrix.

After the 4 weeks the 2nd phase of my training started. The main purpose of the 2nd phase was to train Mistress' cock to hold an orgasm back for a long time, so it will be able to satisfy a woman the right way during sex. The training in 2nd phase consisted of constantly edging, which really sets ones willpower at hard work. Constantly I was only a few strokes away from having that orgasm I gradually wanted more and more. When the second phase began, Mistress predicted that I would not be able to keep myself on edge and that I therefore would get the orgasm even if I was not allowed. Once again, I felt that I got a chance to prove that I really have surrendered all power over my "sex life 'to Mistress. I've gradually found out that Mistress has an alarmingly impressive ability to manipulate the minds of Mistress' pets and I never know whether there is more behind Mistress’ training and orders than meets the eye. In this context it wouldn’t surprise me if Mistress’ prediction that I would not be able to avoid having an orgasm by 'accident' was merely just a test to see how submissive I am. If it was, then I hope I passed the test, since I managed to avoid an orgasm in the 10 days my edging training went on.

My full description of the big day where I, after 38 days of denial, finally got my orgasm can be read in my previous blog post, so I will simply refer to that blog post at this point.

As written, Mistress had allowed me to get 2 orgasms on my big day and it was my intention that I would get these 2 orgasms in a row. The first orgasm and all it implied was so overwhelming though that I was not able to bring myself to orgasm number 2 on the same day I got my first release.

The day after my big orgasm I chatted with Mistress in a ‘members only cam show’ and I asked Mistress if I could get my second orgasm this day, since I had not been able to get it the day before. Mistress had been so satisfied with my training sessions that I was allowed to get the second orgasm, although it actually had been intended that I should have had it immediately after the first.

After the cam show I wrote the blog post about my 'first orgasm in 38 days' and then I went to bed and did what a few months ago seemed like a completely normal thing, but this night was something special because of Mistress’ takeover of the ownership of my former cock and balls. In my bedroom I saw some of Mistress' videos and jerked off in a ‘normal manner’. I've always tried to extend my masturbation (that's why I had a sprout in my phase 2), so a 'normal' jerk off routine for me has always consisted of several edgings, because I know it gives a better orgasm. The new thing I’ve learned from my training is that in the future I will consider these edgings as a training to keep myself from getting a quick orgasm, so I'll always be able to satisfy a woman before I get my own orgasm. As a bonus I will get a better orgasm myself, but I’m now fully aware of the main purpose of me being able to withstand an orgasm for a long time and this new purpose gives me so much more gratification, than the better orgasm does. It feels so much better to be able to give a woman what she wants.

After a good hour of edgings in company with Mistress I got my first 'normal' orgasm in 39 days. Of course it couldn’t compare with the one it I had the day before. The day before my orgasm lasted approx. 35 seconds and was incredible powerful while this day’s orgasm lasted barely 15 seconds. As such this was a normal orgasm; although it was in the absolute better end of the normal orgasms (it did feel really good!). Since I first met Mistress through Mistress’ website, I’ve actually not had that many orgasms. The first couple of weeks before I wrote to Mistress and started my training I practiced a miniature of the ‘orgasm denial’ and I probably only got 3-4 orgasms during this period although I jerked of almost every day in the 2 weeks. Therefore, it was a fantastic feeling that I could get an orgasm in the usual manner´; something I have often been longing for throughout my training, but also something that Mistress’ training has taught me I shouldn’t just take for granted. Mistress has really changed my perception of my orgasms!

In the days following the 2 orgasms I’ve been feeling a huge change in how sexual aroused I generally have been. In the 38 days I had gradually built up a lust that eventually meant I was almost constantly sexual aroused at the end of the period. It has therefore been quite overwhelming to experience how I have been feeling the last couple of days, where I haven’t constantly been aroused (because of my 2 releases). I wouldn’t say that it's actually a better feeling because being constantly aroused has some really good upsides. The anticipation for the next orgasm is something I really love and as such I am so happy that it is Mistress who decides when I can have my next release and not myself.

Previously if I had ‘felt in love’ with a particular woman on the net and in a longer period only masturbated while I watched videos or pictures of this specific woman, I have at some time 'had enough' of this woman and then this woman wouldn’t be able to turn me on any more. So I was a little worried about if some 2 months of constant worship of the same woman (the reader should know by now who this woman is!) and the final 2 orgasms would mean that I would lose interest in Mistress.

My doubts were totally unfounded, however, because as soon as I, in the days after my 2 orgasms, have done something that in one way or another has involved Mistress, I've immediately been completely turned on and Mistress’ cock has immediately become excited. Mistress’ cam shows are still the highlights of my day and I still have an infinite need of bringing myself to orgasm when I see Mistress. My needs to follow Mistress’ orders, however, are still way higher so naturally I wouldn’t get an orgasm unless Mistress allows me to, but I still look forward to the next time Mistress allows me to get an orgasm and hopefully I will not have to wait 38 days before I get my next release.

I do feel, after all, that I've proven to the Mistress, that Mistress has 100 % control over me and what I do with my previous genitals. My 3rd phase of my training sessions is starting next week, but tonight I will get a 'lecture' from Mistress. As usual I have no idea what to expect from Mistress. Mistress is always teasing me with small bits of information but never reveals anything that would make me know fully what to expect. Mistress has warned me though, that I should be 'scared' about the lecture. I am scared, but I cannot at the same time avoid also being really excited when I get these kinds of  teasing messages from my wonderful Mistress.

Thank you so much Mistress for coaching me in the first 2 training phases and thank you so much for allowing me to have the most powerful orgasm of my life. I will do anything I can to be the best student in the future training phases and Mistress should know that I will obey any commands from Mistress.