Epilogue to 'My first orgasm in 38 days!'

In the epilogue to the description of my first orgasm in 38 days I will reflect on how the whole process has been, including the days after the orgasm.

I am completely fascinated by everything about Mistress Bella Bellini and since I first clicked into Mistress’ site Mistress has been all I could think of when I think about what men think about all the time ('What Every Man Thinks About Apart from Sex'). Here, I refer not only to Mistress’ unsurpassed beauty, perfect body or madly sexy teasing in videos, photo sets and cam shows, but also to everything about Mistress’ personality, which equally appears through Mistress' interactive site. The myth that women in this industry have nothing but their bodies to offer is completely shot to pieces if you know a bit about Mistress. Personally I find that last attribute really important for a dominatrix since I don't think I could surrender to a dominatrix the way I have done to Mistress Bella Bellini, if I wouldn’t also be able to surrender myself to the person behind the latex dress. Since I find it imperative for female domination (if it’s about more than a ‘one-night wank’) that the dominatrix must have the ability to drill deep into the thoughts of the submissive, it doesn’t really hurt that  the Mistress I have surrendered myself 100% to has a ‘Bachelor of Social Science with a specialization in psychological studies’ behind her!

Mistress Bella Bellini meets EVERYTHING that I find important about a dominatrix and thus it was without any hesitation that I immediately submitted myself 100% to Mistress from day 1 of my training sessions. At this point I should add, that I have never had any experience with real life domination or domination through the web. But it felt like a dream coming true, when Mistress suggested that I could be her new pet. The first 4 weeks of my training Mistress had decided that I should always have my chastity device on if I in any way was doing something that could be sexually stimulating (even at nights so my subconscious was also convinced that a wet dream was not permitted). I could, in other words, not jerk off but had to settle for the small satisfaction of a cock squeezed inside a small plastic cage whenever I got aroused.

You would think that this complete abandonment of the right to jerk off would be a tough test, but it was actually easier than I had anticipated! After only a week or so, I began to miss the chastity device in the times where I could not wear it (read my previous blog posts where I describe why I could not wear it 24/7). Sexual gratification was synonymous with the feeling of a cock in a cage too small for the enthusiasm and I quickly convinced Mistress’ cock that it could only be excited when the cage was on. If I didn’t wear the cage it also meant that I had convinced my subconscious that I could not allow myself to think sexual thoughts and because of that I locked Mistress’ cock and balls into the cage as soon as I had the chance, so I could ‘think like a man’.

Eventually it became quite natural for me that I could not jerk off, though I gradually became more and more sexual aroused. It gradually dawned on me that my chastity training was not about giving me  sexual gratification but rather that Mistress would ensure that I had understood that it was Mistress who had complete power over my genitals and therefore also the power to decide whether I could jerk off or not. Personally, I didn’t doubt a second that I had surrendered myself completely to Mistress' power at the same moment Mistress offered that I could be Mistress new pet, but I was happy that I got the chance to prove this to Mistress through the chastity training. After all, Mistress knew nothing about me before I started my training and as such Mistress had every right to demand some extensive proofs of my desire to be a real submissive to Mistress. I hope I have succeeded in this matter.

Against this background the 4 weeks of constant jerk off and orgasm denial was 4 happy weeks for me since I was really happy that Mistress gave me the chance to prove that I am a worthy enough to serve Mistress. Every sub should really go through such a test; not only to eliminate unworthy submissives but also to let the submissive himself (or herself) find out, if the submissive really wants to be a submissive to the dominatrix.

After the 4 weeks the 2nd phase of my training started. The main purpose of the 2nd phase was to train Mistress' cock to hold an orgasm back for a long time, so it will be able to satisfy a woman the right way during sex. The training in 2nd phase consisted of constantly edging, which really sets ones willpower at hard work. Constantly I was only a few strokes away from having that orgasm I gradually wanted more and more. When the second phase began, Mistress predicted that I would not be able to keep myself on edge and that I therefore would get the orgasm even if I was not allowed. Once again, I felt that I got a chance to prove that I really have surrendered all power over my "sex life 'to Mistress. I've gradually found out that Mistress has an alarmingly impressive ability to manipulate the minds of Mistress' pets and I never know whether there is more behind Mistress’ training and orders than meets the eye. In this context it wouldn’t surprise me if Mistress’ prediction that I would not be able to avoid having an orgasm by 'accident' was merely just a test to see how submissive I am. If it was, then I hope I passed the test, since I managed to avoid an orgasm in the 10 days my edging training went on.

My full description of the big day where I, after 38 days of denial, finally got my orgasm can be read in my previous blog post, so I will simply refer to that blog post at this point.

As written, Mistress had allowed me to get 2 orgasms on my big day and it was my intention that I would get these 2 orgasms in a row. The first orgasm and all it implied was so overwhelming though that I was not able to bring myself to orgasm number 2 on the same day I got my first release.

The day after my big orgasm I chatted with Mistress in a ‘members only cam show’ and I asked Mistress if I could get my second orgasm this day, since I had not been able to get it the day before. Mistress had been so satisfied with my training sessions that I was allowed to get the second orgasm, although it actually had been intended that I should have had it immediately after the first.

After the cam show I wrote the blog post about my 'first orgasm in 38 days' and then I went to bed and did what a few months ago seemed like a completely normal thing, but this night was something special because of Mistress’ takeover of the ownership of my former cock and balls. In my bedroom I saw some of Mistress' videos and jerked off in a ‘normal manner’. I've always tried to extend my masturbation (that's why I had a sprout in my phase 2), so a 'normal' jerk off routine for me has always consisted of several edgings, because I know it gives a better orgasm. The new thing I’ve learned from my training is that in the future I will consider these edgings as a training to keep myself from getting a quick orgasm, so I'll always be able to satisfy a woman before I get my own orgasm. As a bonus I will get a better orgasm myself, but I’m now fully aware of the main purpose of me being able to withstand an orgasm for a long time and this new purpose gives me so much more gratification, than the better orgasm does. It feels so much better to be able to give a woman what she wants.

After a good hour of edgings in company with Mistress I got my first 'normal' orgasm in 39 days. Of course it couldn’t compare with the one it I had the day before. The day before my orgasm lasted approx. 35 seconds and was incredible powerful while this day’s orgasm lasted barely 15 seconds. As such this was a normal orgasm; although it was in the absolute better end of the normal orgasms (it did feel really good!). Since I first met Mistress through Mistress’ website, I’ve actually not had that many orgasms. The first couple of weeks before I wrote to Mistress and started my training I practiced a miniature of the ‘orgasm denial’ and I probably only got 3-4 orgasms during this period although I jerked of almost every day in the 2 weeks. Therefore, it was a fantastic feeling that I could get an orgasm in the usual manner´; something I have often been longing for throughout my training, but also something that Mistress’ training has taught me I shouldn’t just take for granted. Mistress has really changed my perception of my orgasms!

In the days following the 2 orgasms I’ve been feeling a huge change in how sexual aroused I generally have been. In the 38 days I had gradually built up a lust that eventually meant I was almost constantly sexual aroused at the end of the period. It has therefore been quite overwhelming to experience how I have been feeling the last couple of days, where I haven’t constantly been aroused (because of my 2 releases). I wouldn’t say that it's actually a better feeling because being constantly aroused has some really good upsides. The anticipation for the next orgasm is something I really love and as such I am so happy that it is Mistress who decides when I can have my next release and not myself.

Previously if I had ‘felt in love’ with a particular woman on the net and in a longer period only masturbated while I watched videos or pictures of this specific woman, I have at some time 'had enough' of this woman and then this woman wouldn’t be able to turn me on any more. So I was a little worried about if some 2 months of constant worship of the same woman (the reader should know by now who this woman is!) and the final 2 orgasms would mean that I would lose interest in Mistress.

My doubts were totally unfounded, however, because as soon as I, in the days after my 2 orgasms, have done something that in one way or another has involved Mistress, I've immediately been completely turned on and Mistress’ cock has immediately become excited. Mistress’ cam shows are still the highlights of my day and I still have an infinite need of bringing myself to orgasm when I see Mistress. My needs to follow Mistress’ orders, however, are still way higher so naturally I wouldn’t get an orgasm unless Mistress allows me to, but I still look forward to the next time Mistress allows me to get an orgasm and hopefully I will not have to wait 38 days before I get my next release.

I do feel, after all, that I've proven to the Mistress, that Mistress has 100 % control over me and what I do with my previous genitals. My 3rd phase of my training sessions is starting next week, but tonight I will get a 'lecture' from Mistress. As usual I have no idea what to expect from Mistress. Mistress is always teasing me with small bits of information but never reveals anything that would make me know fully what to expect. Mistress has warned me though, that I should be 'scared' about the lecture. I am scared, but I cannot at the same time avoid also being really excited when I get these kinds of  teasing messages from my wonderful Mistress.

Thank you so much Mistress for coaching me in the first 2 training phases and thank you so much for allowing me to have the most powerful orgasm of my life. I will do anything I can to be the best student in the future training phases and Mistress should know that I will obey any commands from Mistress.

My first orgasm in 38 days!

Disclamer: This is a 100% true description of an orgasm after 38 days of denial. There isn’t altered with the descriptions to make it 'wanking material' and as such it is a pure documentary description. If you cannot bear to read about this then hurry up and click away, but if you do want to read an accurate description about how I experienced my first orgasm in 38 days then I think you should read on.

On February the 4th I wrote an email to Mistress Bella Bellini where I suggested that Mistress could take control over my orgasms. Shortly after my email I watched Mistress’ video 'Evil Seduction' and when I got to the end of the video I simply couldn’t hold back an orgasm, although I actually had decided that I would not allow myself an orgasm until I had heard from Mistress. Mistress did not hesitate over my proposal about giving up my control of my orgasms and shortly after I was involved in a training program with Mistress.

The first phase of my training program consisted of Chastity training. 4 weeks in a row I wasn’t allowed to jerk off (except for a single day where I did about 25 strokes). The purpose of this period was to teach me that I no longer have any control over my previous cock and balls. These are now owned by Mistress. Read more about my first phase in the archive.

In the second phase ‘edging control’ was on the program. I was now be taught that the most important thing in relation to having sex with a woman is that the woman is satisfied in full before the man can allow himself to have an orgasm. In this phase I had permission to jerk off as much as I wanted, but it was absolutely forbidden for me to get an orgasm. Luckily I have previously trained a lot with edging, so Mistress was very pleased with my results at this stage and offered me that I could have an orgasm as a reward and an ending of the phase. Read more about second phase in the archive.

Mistress was so generous that Mistress allowed me that I freely could choose when and how I would have my orgasm. The only condition was that I made a substantive blog post with a description of my orgasm (and that's the blog post you are reading right now). As previously written here on the blog, I had actually decided that I would get my orgasm last Friday. But with the situation in Japan I didn’t want that day to be my big day and therefore I chose to postpone my orgasm until Monday the 14th of March and as such my edging period lasted approx. 10 days.

My Monday started with various activities unrelated to Mistress or my orgasm. Therefore I could first start my last trip to the orgasm at 11.30 PM. However, I am a notorious night person (like my Mistress), so it did not matter much. Mistress had announced a Members Only cam show at 02.30 AM (I'm in a time zone several hours in front of Mistress), so I decided that the 3 hours up to the cam show should consist of constant edging while I looked at videos and pictures of my Mistress. A few days ago I was on a mission to IKEA to see how much sex/BDSM/fetish toys I could find in IKEA using some good imagination. It was really just a joke I came up with in a cam show with Mistress, but I chose to take up the challenge (there will be a blog post about my IKEA shopping trip in a few days). One of the 'toys' I found at IKEA was a smart little Humble similar device. It required a little modification but the result has been great. It can be used to stretch the balls from both front and rear, but so far I have only used it to stretch Mistress’ balls in front of me, in a way that allow me to sit normally without any problems.

Basically, the device just separates the balls from the rest of Cock through an adjustable crack and then you can decide how intense it should be. When I bring myself up to the edge I can keep myself at the point just before going over the edge by making small movements of the device. Quite clever, as I think it is harder to maintain control through ordinary hand masturbation. As told, I used this method for approx. 3 hours as preparation for Mistress’ cam show, where I hoped that I would get a little sneak peek of Mistress' devine booty (which I'm totally captivated by!).

It was with great excitement that I clicked myself into my last live cam chat with Mistress before I would get my first orgasm in 38 days. Mistress often has a 'cooking show' on Mondays (femdom cooking, now where could you find that elsewhere?) But Mistress had been so generous that Mistress had changed the cam show to a more 'normal' cam show at 'the Office'. Did I get to see anything of Mistress wonderful booty? Yes, I did indeed! I got everything I could ever have asked for of Mistress perfect body altogether with a chat with Mistress about my upcoming orgasm. Mistress sure knows exactly what turns me on! Among other things Mistress asked me to take pictures of the 'outcome' of my orgasm and although I've never documented a previous orgasm that way to anybody, naturally I was immediately accepting the request (I will accept ANYTHING my Mistress would ask of me).

It was an absolutely fantastic 'worm up' (a little Freudian typo my subconscious had led me to write in a post on Twitter) and although the 3 hours of edging I had had before the cam show had resulted in me being totally horny (to speak the truth), Mistress managed to bring my libido up to a level I didn’t even knew was possible. My desire for an orgasm after cam show was quite extreme, but I had already planned that I would take another edging session before I could finally get my release.

Therefore I prepared the arena for the big release. In the middle point was my TV. It's pretty big, so Mistress frequently appear in natural size on it when I play videos or put pictures up on it. Alongside the TV, I placed some of my picture frames with pictures of Mistress (I have previously, here on the blog, described how I have printed out 48 pictures of Mistress in A3 size). In front of this presentation was a low table with black finish (the color must be the best contrast to the result of a male orgasm:/) and at the end of the table on the floor a cushion for my knees. In this way it fitted exactly so that I could sit on my knees with Mistress cock just above the table top and with direct view to the TV and the pictures of Mistress. I know that my Mistress likes when Mistress’ subs come up with ideas of their own, so I thought I'd spice up the experience by putting a web cam on the tabletop that could perpetuate this special orgasm. This also added to the whole experience, as I, until this Monday, was a ‘self-shoot sex video’ virgin.

Now that the arena was in place, I could begin my second long edging session while I again watched videos and pictures of Mistress. Initially I did the edging the normal way with me sitting normally. After some hours I moved to the ‘arena’ where I sat on my knees so I could worship my Mistress in an optimal manner. I restrained this position for about an hour while my edging continued. I had decided that I would get my orgasm to the same video ('Evil Seduction') as I saw the 4th of February when I got my last orgasm and I had also decided that I would get my orgasm at exactly the same point in the video - ie. at the end of the video. Following this plan I re watched the whole video and of cause I knew exactly when I would get my orgasm.

When that point in the video began to approach, I became more and more excited and at times it was hard to keep myself from going over the edge. But I managed to stick out to the scene in the video that 38 days earlier had given me my last orgasm. As Mistress begins to tease with Mistress’ stunning booty and give sneak peeks of Mistress unattainable pussy, the moment occurred (exactly 45.56 minutes into the video) where I got my unconditional strongest orgasm I have ever experienced. The actual orgasm lasted approx. 35 seconds(!), which is much longer than what I have ever experienced (I don’t think I’ve previously experienced an orgasm that lasted more than 15 seconds). The orgasm was so powerful that I seriously at one point thought I was about to pass out. However I managed to keep myself conscious and I "completed" the longest and most powerful orgasm in my life. In a way at some points the orgasm felt so severe that the ‘lovely feeling’ of an orgasm almost was replaced with discomfort, but with a constant look on Mistress at the TV, I think (remember I almost passed out) I managed nonetheless to enjoy all of the 35 seconds the orgasm itself lasted. Normally, I am probably not the one who can produce the biggest cum load (maybe I've just seen too many porn videos with "supernatural" cum loads; what do I know), but this orgasm left a large part of the tabletop with small piles of cum. The orgasm was not one where the cum came out in a long flow but was rather a more spouting orgasm.

Subsequently, it took me several minutes, where I just sat on my knee and watched the rest of the video with Mistress, before I could move myself out of my position. I was exhausted and breathless, but I also had an indescribable feeling of relief. After 38 days without an orgasm various physical and psychological feelings build up in the body and mind. The balls are gradually becoming more heavy and aching and your desire to get the orgasm is also gradually increasing. The relieved feeling in Mistress’ balls and the feeling of having had my wish for the orgasm fulfilled was indescribable. I guess it would be impossible to recreate this feeling without having to undergo the prolonged orgasm denial. I've never felt the same level of ease and comfortableness after an orgasm as I did after this orgasm and it's a feeling I still feel some part of, here the day after my biggest, wildest and most intense orgasm in my life.

I had read in a forum that the second orgasm after a long time without an orgasm sometimes could feel even better than the first orgasm. Therefore I had asked Mistress if I was allowed to get that second orgasm, if I was capable of bringing myself to another orgasm shortly after the first one. Mistress had been kind enough to give me permission to do this 2nd orgasm and prior to my whole session this evening I had planned to receive this offer by getting myself to orgasm as quickly as possible after the 1st orgasm. (I've previously, under normal circumstances, been able to get the second orgasm 30-60 minutes after the first one). After a much needed bath (it was, as described, a pretty exhausting session I had) I went to bed and I tried to start jerking off again so I could get this second orgasm. Quickly however, I had to give up, since I had no more strength in my body and I fell asleep shortly after I entered my bed.

That concludes the description of my first orgasm in 38 days. There are probably very few men who would undergo the same process as I went through, but I can actually recommend men to try it so they can experience how intense an orgasm really can become. Beforehand I had not been able to imagine that it would feel as powerful as mine did, but it was an amazing experience to feel how, with the right (long) preparation, you can get an orgasm that is so much more intense than a 'normal 'orgasm.

I would have written some reflective words on the entire process up to the orgasm and about the orgasm in this blog post, but I feel that I need another day to get over the experience and thus make a proper conclusion to my description. I will therefore wait until tomorrow where I will write the epilogue to my '38 days without orgasm’ experience.

This epilogue will be the next post coming here on the blog and after this, as promised, there will also come a blog post about my 'Mission sex toys’ from IKEA. Since I was unable to get my 2nd orgasm yesterday, I asked my Mistress, if I could get it today. I didn’t really thought that I would be allowed to since it was not a part of the agreement that I could postpone it until the day after the first orgasm, but Mistress showed her wonderful site and gave me permission to get it today as long as I had finished my homework assignment, which is this blog post.

I will therefore go to bed now and then I'll enjoy my first 'normal' orgasm in 39 days. How it will feel like I dare not to guess, but I'm sure you can read about it on this blog within a few days:)

My phase 2 progress

A week ago my Mistress Bella Bellini allowed me to enter phase 2 of my training. This phase is all about edging so I was allowed to take the chastity cage of Mistress’ cock and balls and actually play with them while I watched pictures, videos and live shows of my irresistible Mistress. The purpose of the edging training was to make me understand 2 things:

1. I must understand, that I no longer have any control of my previously cock and balls.

2. I must understand, that having sex with a woman is not about getting an orgasm. Instead I must understand that the main purpose of having sex with a woman is to satisfy all the needs of the woman. First when all the needs of the woman have been satisfied I can allow myself an orgasm. So through the edging training I will hopefully be able to last long enough to give the woman everything she wants before I can reward myself with an orgasm.

I have been practicing a lot with edging earlier in my life, so I might have had an advantage in this phase. Nonetheless I’ve been training the edging every day since I got this new assignment a week ago. After all these weeks without an orgasm I have had times where I pretty quickly could bring myself to the point where an orgasm could come any second aka. bringing myself to the edge.  I have used some techniques that I’ve found really useful to avoid the orgasm:

Mistress has taught me, that the allowed masturbation in this phase was not about satisfying myself or at least getting pleasure from the masturbation. Instead I have been taught, that I should think about the masturbation as a way to please my Mistress. The longer I would be able to masturbate, the more pleased my Mistress would be. When I have reached the edge in my masturbations the last week, I’ve quickly turned my attention to a photo of my beautiful Mistress’ face hanging on my wall (I have different photos hanging in my living room and my bed room next to the TV). Looking straight into Mistress eyes instantly reminds me that I’m not masturbating for my own pleasure but for the pleasure of Mistress. With that in my mind I’ve been able to convince myself, that I really don’t want to have an orgasm, even though I’m on the edge, because an orgasm would certainly not please my Mistress. In that way the threatening orgasm became something I really didn’t want to have, and as such I’ve been able to masturbate for a really long time.

My Mistress made a blog post about this mental method: 'Watch out! Mistress Bella Bellini is watching you masturbate'

Naturally I had to make my own version of the 'watching cat' so I made a wallpaper with my beautiful Mistress: 'Your orgasm control motivational poster!'

Mistress has also taught me about the ‘Masters-Johnson method’. Basically this method involves putting a curtain pressure on the head of the cock, when it’s about to come. I’ve combined the mental method with this pressure method and I’ve managed to avoid any orgasm even though, I’ve masturbated a lot the last week! My Mistress has so many hot videos (I will NEVER get tired of looking at my Mistress absolutely perfect booty!) and I can’t even imagine how many orgasms I would have had the last week, if I had been allowed to masturbate freely.

Every time I reached the edge I would just repeat the procedure and I could continue without getting the orgasm. I have to say, that it actually feels really nice to know, that me not getting an orgasm will please my Mistress, so the orgasm has kind of been my enemy the last week :) I might have forgot how an orgasm feels, but it certainly feels incredible to please my Mistress, so I think I could go for several month without an orgasm, as long as I knew it would please Mistress.

My Mistress has been so pleased with my progress in phase 2 and Mistress is about to let me enter phase 3. I can’t wait to find out exactly what it will deal with, but Mistress has been giving me small hints about some anal pleasures for me.

As a reward for me doing so good in phase 2 Mistress has allowed me to get an orgasm and I can even decide how and when! I’ve decided to get my orgasm this coming Friday. I have all day to prepare myself for the orgasm and I intend to build it up throughout the day using the described methods. It will be really interesting to experience how an orgasm feels after 35 days without one. The longest I’ve previously gone without an orgasm was 14 days, so for me it’s kind of special and I’m really looking forward to Friday.

Naturally I will give a detailed description of my Friday here on this blog..

Ask Mistress Bella Bellini's pet a question

I just got an email from Formspring noticing me, that I had 5 questions waiting for me at Formspring. Obviously the questions wasn't from 'real' persons, since they where kind of lame and had nothing to do with me.

So I wanted to take the opurtunity to give the readers of this blog the option to ask me questions about Mistress Bella Bellini's training of me (or anything else).

It is possible to ask questions anonymously, so don't be shy:

http://formspring.me/virginwanker

I'm in shock!

26 days in chastity. 26 days of endless frustration not being able to jerk off and get an orgasm while watching and chatting with my irresistible Mistress Bella Bellini.

I have just watched the latest training video from my Mistress: 'Phase 2 begins. Bring it!'. I simply can't believe the spin my Mistress took in the video. I was going from one end of the scale to the completely opposite end in a split second.

I'm completely blown away by my Mistress' ability to take my chastity and 'orgasm denial' training into a whole new dimension. Now I know why my Mistress wouldn't tell me anything about the video yesterday when I chatted with her.

I was dreaming about chastity training before I meet my Mistress, but not in my wildest dreams had I ever imagined my reality today. But once again my Mistress overdid herself. I can't really express how numb I was when the video ended!

I was going to go to bed early tonight, but how am I gonna get any sleep after watching this video? If I hadn't had this damn curiosity to see the new assignment video, I could have had a nice long sleep before I have to get up early tomorrow. But really, what am I going to do now? I hope my Mistress will help me in some way in the video chat later today, that I actually didn't planed to participate in. Please give me some virtual sleeping pills to calm me down after the showcase of my phase 2 training.

I knew that my Mistress could come up with mind blowing video assignments, but I had never expected, that it would be as clever, frustrating and evil as this video. Yet I am also feeling extremely excited - is that gonna be a good or a bad thing in phase 2? I really don't know the answer to that question :/